I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
“Invictus“, William Ernest Henley
Welcome to my journey from fat to fit. In my worst of days, I’ve battled binge eating, migraines, and hypoglycemia, along with cervical cancer. The good news is, better days are ahead, as anyone who has hit the bottom will tell you. As I begin living a healthier life, I hope to inspire others to be courageous enough to make positive changes in their lives.
I remember the day I made the decision to finally say enough is enough and commit to my health. I was alone, trying to raise my two kids, recovering from cancer and piling on body fat like crazy. The decision was not one I made suddenly.
It took over a year of having these ridiculously rationalizing conversations with myself. Over a year of feeling disgusted with myself. Over a year of wasting money on up-sizing my jeans to yet another (bigger) number. Time was moving in one direction and I seemed to be moving in another.
I guess there were many “triggers” that finally led me to my enough is enough moment. I remember having such a difficult time standing in front of my closet in the mornings to get dressed for work, trying to choose something that would camouflage my growing body.
One morning I just couldn’t deal with it, and I drove to Wal-Mart at 5:30 am to buy new pants so I’d have something to wear that actually fit (of course, I stopped at McDonald’s in the store for my morning meal first, as I did regularly).
Those pants I bought that morning were a 12, which seemed surprising since I knew it couldn’t have been that long ago that I was a 6 or even an 8. How do I remember the 12? Well, because I was in such a rush to get to work, I neglected to remove that sticker with the “12 12 12 12 12” running down the back of the pant leg. A co-worker pointed it out when I got to the office.
Don’t get me wrong – for some people the number “12” isn’t necessarily a rock bottom. In fact, my friends who were a lot larger than I would tease me for being so concerned about it. After all it was a twelve, and they would love to be able to fit into a twelve.
But you see, for me it didn’t matter what number it was, as long as it was about 5 sizes beyond where it was back when I had things more “in control”.
The sticker running down the side of my jeans represented more than just a number or a size. It symbolized a downward spiral that I was ready to stop!
Actually, I say I was ready to stop, but that was a lie. I told myself lots of lies back then, like having a cheeseburger everyday was OK since what I really wanted was a Quarter Pounder and fries.
Lies like buying the one pound bag of M & Ms was better because I was saving money over buying several smaller packs.
Lies like no one in the house would know about the Hostess Ho Hos that I hid in the back of the pantry.
Lies like one day I would get back to the gym.
I spent a lot of time focusing on a lot of other things and a lot of other people besides myself. I had put myself way down on the priority list, and not only was I not taking care of myself, but I was feeling shame and guilt because I knew it wasn’t the way to live. Not a good plan. Up until one day when I REALLY decided it was time.
During my “spiral” season, I spent a lot of late nights watching TV. I was intrigued watching those infomercials with Tony Horton from P90X and Shaun T. from Insanity (WATCHING, but never DOING).
Being a former athlete, I felt a sliver of hope when they showed the amazing transformation photos, and thought maybe I could actually try it.
I couldn’t decide which one to go with or if it was even real (and lots of my friends said it would be too hard, anyway), so naturally it was easiest to do NOTHING AT ALL.
I prayed about it a lot and knew that God wanted more for me. Fast forward a couple of months. I was still indecisive about choosing a workout. Then, just out of the blue, one day a co-worker asked me if I’d heard about Insanity.
Prayer answered (but I didn’t realize that yet).
This co-worker explained that Insanity was so much more than just a DVD workout (which was a good thing, because I already had several of those collecting dust on my shelf at home). I had no idea it came with a meal plan, an online community, and my own coach to help me reach my goals and be my accountability partner. I had no idea my life was about to change.
I bit the bullet and bought Insanity, along with a month’s supply of Shakeology, but as soon as the payment went through I got a little nervous and started having second thoughts.
I shoved that voice in my head away by deciding to go public. I told tell everyone about my decision to train with the infamous Shaun T, so it would be too embarrassing NOT to go through with it. That worked! I was 167 pounds and 36% body fat & a size “14sometimes12” on Day One.
Sixty days later I had lost 11 inches overall, was down to 29% body fat, and 148 pounds. I had gone down to a size 8! I reached my initial goal, and started making new ones…
I continued drinking Shakeology and next up was P90X. What can I say, that workout is HARD! I was honestly able to do a little bit of MOST of the workouts, but then I got introduced to TURBO FIRE…
My passion was growing, as was my confidence and my desire to learn all I could about nutrition and fitness. Down another 6 pounds…
Today I am a size 4, and if ANYONE had told me that my life would have changed this much I would not have believed it!
It is still a DAILY focus and struggle, but here’s the most amazing thing – my physical transformation has given me so much confidence and made me realize that the sky is the limit, that it has sparked an intensity in my life to get the rest of me in better shape, too!
I have not only shed inches and pounds, but over $50,000 in debt! By myself!
Now if that isn’t a testimony to God’s awesomeness, I don’t know what is!
I am by no means finished with my journey, but I am loving seeing how God has worked through my struggles to show me a way back to a better version of me. I am finally able to shop for clothes again, and not by sneaking Wal-Mart at 5:30 am. I am setting a better example for my kids, I’m a better mom and employee. I would have added “better wife” to that list, but he left – HIS LOSS! HA! Anyway, now I am finally bringing my life back in balance again, with God as the ultimate captain of my soul.
Have you been thinking about getting in shape? Are you struggling with debt? Reach out to me! I’ll be your great encourager! If you’ve been on the fence, GET OFF THAT FENCE and let’s do this! If I can succeed in this, so can YOU.
Don’t be mistaken, there is no magic pill. It takes a lot of work, but if you make that choice to finally choose you, to make a commitment in YOUR life, I would love to coach you, support you, be your sounding board, whatever works…and we can continue the journey together!
When you’re ready, shout it to the rooftops!
Choose me as your free coach, take that first step. There’s no better time as this to begin to create YOUR story!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13